There was a man who changed as a result of joining a 12-Step program. From being almost completely selfish and self-centered, he became a person whom everyone liked; he had time for other people and appeared to enjoy them, even those people who tend to get on your nerves; he seemed to have sympathy for them and helped them when he could; he rarely if ever seemed to be annoyed or upset, and his temper -- which had been a significant problem for him before he went into recovery -- was never apparent. Upon his death, which occurred quite suddenly, a very large number of people were thrown into distress -- not only those who knew him well, but those too who were merely acquaintances and who had experienced at first-hand the kind of person he had become.

His close friends were therefore greatly surprised to read his journal, which he had directed in his will should be available to them. Much of it dealt with what he called his "defects of character" -- the feelings of dislike, even hate, that he sometimes experienced; his sexual desires; his frequent concerns about money.

The question is this: Did he actually have these defects or not? Since there was no trace of them in his interactions with others, had they been removed?

The answer to the question is important to our practice of Step 10. Step 10 is about continually watching ourselves for negative feelings. It's not about getting rid of them, but of using our awareness of them to ensure that they don't play out in our everyday behavior. There is no way to stop negative thoughts -- in fact, there's no way to stop any thoughts, negative or positive. But Step 10 offers a way to intervene on those thoughts, and by awareness to see that they do not result in selfish and self-protective actions.