A friend in Program spoke recently of her life being like her own bathroom and the guest bathroom in her home. All the nice things -- the fresh soap, the clean towels, the air-freshener -- are in the guest bathroom. Her own bathroom she would rather no one sees. And she said that that was how she managed her life before she engaged in a sincere practice of the last three Steps. The face she showed to the world was the face of the guest bathroom; the unpleasant things she hid from the world in her own.

We can spend many years in Program before we even realize that this is how we are living, despite our supposed "recovery." There are still "two of us" -- the face we present to the world, and the secret "us" that we keep to ourselves.

It is likely the case that we will never be entirely free of this tendency. But working Steps 10, 11 and 12 reduces the temptation to live like this. Gradually, the things we want to hide from others start to fall into one of two categories. There are the secret things we do, the secret things we think, which simply start to lose their attraction as we attempt to live in the world as it is. It's important to understand that this is not an intellectual change -- it doesn't come about because we're attempting to hypnotize ourselves or because we're trying harder. It just comes. The other category is the things we do or think that we cease to be ashamed of. We don't care if people find out that we meditate and think it's funny or peculiar. It's not that we have learned how to "handle" the teasing. It's that we no longer seem to respond to others' criticisms. And this too "just happens." And when it does, we no longer worry about "having two bathrooms." The face we present to the world is the same as our private face; and that is a rewarding way to live.